More often than not your name hissed from my mouth as the worst of all epitaphs. Jason I hated you almost as much as I needed you.

A rival. I obsessed over it. You'd show up everywhere. At a lunch with Kathleen Sullivan. In my research fellows seminar. You were on a first name basis with my favorite professors.

In class, I had to know that my interpretations of the text could match yours. If you made a point, I had to find the counterpoint. In classes together, I agonized over papers, because yours couldn't be better. I tried harder, worked harder, studied harder because of you.

When I went into law, and you into poli-sci, I anticipated a future of reading and challenging your papers.


The worst part is that you never knew. How important you were to me.

I've lost.